Every divorce is different.  Some divorces can be quick and painless, while others are longer than both parties anticipated.  No matter how the divorce plays out, saving money is usually a priority for the separating couple.  Sometimes clients believe they can save money by neglecting to hire an attorney because both parties have agreed how divide the assets and debts in their divorce.  While reaching an agreement with your spouse may help speed up the divorce, it is still important to consider hiring an attorney to assist you in the process.  Below, we’ll explain five reasons why it’s important to hire an attorney during your “quickie divorce.”

Paperwork Can Cause Delays

One of the main reasons people opt for a quickie divorce is because they want to move on with their life as soon as possible.  By hiring a lawyer, you’ll save yourself the time of filling out the legal paperwork, and you’ll ensure that you won’t miss an important filing or deadline.  Your attorney will be able to ease your mind when it comes to the legal side of the divorce, and they’ll make sure everything is drafted and filed correctly.  If you miss a deadline, you could end up tacking on days, weeks or even months to your marriage.  You also may have to take a day off of work in order to make a rescheduled court appearance if you forget to file a document.

Long-Term Implications

The majority of couples seeking a divorce are doing so for the first time.  Because of this, most people don’t know how the legalities of divorce will impact them down the road.  An attorney can helped explain what lies ahead, and they can offer tips and insights that a person without an attorney would not have known.

You Might Not Actually Agree

This is an important point that arises all too often during the course of a divorce.  While you and your spouse may have come to a verbal agreement, things may change when the ink hits the paper.  If your spouse suddenly decides they want the house or car, you can be stuck at a standstill, which only lengthens the separation process.  A divorce attorney can clearly and fairly outline the assets and debts, and they can help mediate if disagreements arise.  If you and your spouse truly agree on everything, then the attorney can quickly draft the right paperwork to expedite the divorce.

Your Spouse Hires an Attorney

If your spouse hires an attorney, it should be a sign that you should hire one as well.  Now, just because your spouse hires an attorney doesn’t mean he or she is trying to rip you off, but in these situations it’s best to have someone who is experienced with family law look over the documents your spouse’s attorney drafts.  Your attorney will ensure that your best interests are at heart.  Also, some people believe they can hire one attorney to represent both sides.  This is problematic because as an attorney, we are trained to fight tooth and nail for our client.  Imagine if the same attorney was asked to represent both the prosecution and the defense in a criminal trial.  It wouldn’t work, because the attorney couldn’t put one client’s interests ahead of the other.

Divorce is Complex

While you and your spouse may agree on who get gets the house and how you’ll share custody of the kids, there are plenty of complex assets that need to be divided in a divorce.  Many people overlook assets like 401k accounts, pension plans, and retirement benefits, and they forget to account for spousal payments, car payments, or loan debt.  An attorney will make sure every asset is divided fairly, they’ll ensure you get all the benefits you’re entitled to receive.

Related Posts

Three Common Mistakes Made by Men in Divorce

Morgan Law Firm Sugar Land Location

Mediation of your Houston Divorce Case

If you’re stopped by the police for a traffic violation, you’re mind is probably racing. What did you do wrong? What is the officer going to ask you? Some people may be trying to remember if they have any contraband in the vehicle.

What to do?

Here are my simple tips for handling a traffic stop:

1. Stop promptly and safely

As soon as an officer signals for you to pull over, turn on your turn signal and reduce your speed. THEN begin looking for a safe place to pull over.

But don’t keep driving long. You’re not going to find a perfect spot, so just pick the closest place where you can try to be out of the travel lane and stop.

It’s better for the officer to ask you to move somewhere else than for him to think you’re trying to run.

2. Be polite

Throughout your interaction with the officer, be polite. He’s just an underpaid public servant who’s trying to do his job. And if he comes off rude to you, it may be that the last person he encountered was a complete jerk.

Being polite to the officer can only help you. And you can bet that he’ll tell the judge if you’re rude.

3. Shut up

You’ve all heard police reading people their rights on TV. The first one being, “You have the right to remain silent.”

Here’s the deal: the police don’t read your rights during a routine traffic stop. But you DO have the right to remain silent. And anything you say WILL be used against you in court.

Keep your mouth shut! Talking about the accident you just had or how many beers you had at dinner will hurt you at court.

4. Produce your documents

Depending upon your state, the officer is going to ask for some documents from you. Usually you’re at least required to produce your license and registration.

It’s a good idea to have your documents handy as soon as the officer walks up. Fumbling around for a registration card can actually be one fact used by the officer to establish grounds to arrest you for DUI. You definitely don’t want to encourage that type of situation.

5. Wait patiently

The officer knows you have somewhere to be. In most cases, he’s going to try to finish the stop ASAP. Part of being polite is waiting patiently while he does his job.

6. Pull away carefully

When the stop is over, it’s time to continue your trip. I’ve had clients who peeled out and others who almost ran over the officer’s foot. You don’t want the judge to hear that testimony from the officer.

Wait until the officer is away from your vehicle (preferably back in his cruiser), and then carefully make your way back into traffic. You’ll be glad you played it safe.

Paying child support is the responsibility of every parent across America.  Each state has varying laws with regards to legal matters involving families.  One law that many states have adopted is suspending an individual’s driving privileges when that person fails to make child support payments.

Individuals that fail to meet their child support obligations can find themselves in pretty deep trouble with the law, especially when they realize their privilege to drive has been suspended.  If you fail to pay your child support obligation you can be driving on a suspended license and be committing a pretty serious crime.  It’s important to understand your state’s laws on the issue and keep a lookout for any notices in the mail that might state your driving privileges are facing suspension.

The obligation to pay child support is one that can follow you to any state across America.  Once your home state suspends your privileges every other state should honor the suspension.

What Is The Law With Failure To Pay Child Support?

For example in New York, Vehicle and Traffic Law (VTL) Section 510 outlines the law regarding a suspended license because of a failure to pay child support.   In part the law states suspension and disqualification for failure to make child Support payments or failure to comply with a summons, subpoena or warrant relating to a paternity or child support proceeding. (1) The commissioner, on behalf of the department, shall enter into a written agreement with the commissioner of the office of temporary and disability assistance, on behalf of the office of temporary and disability assistance, which shall set forth the procedures for suspending the driving privileges of individuals who have failed to make payments of child support or combined child and spousal support”.

A plain reading of the law in New York shows that the Department of Social Services is obligated to report a failure to pay child support to the Commissioner of the Department of Motor Vehicles in New York.  If you are found to not have paid child support for a period of 4 months in New York, then your driving privileges will be suspended.  As mentioned previously driving with a suspended license can possibly leave you facing criminal charges, heavy fines, penalties and increased insurance premiums.   Criminal convictions in New York are permanent.

What Should I Do If I Have Received A Notice In The Mail That My License Is Suspended For Failure To Pay Child Support?

If you are being charged with failure to pay child support and your driving privileges are to be suspended then you should contact a local experienced traffic defense attorney.  An attorney may be able to stop your privileges from being suspended and help you keep your license.  An attorney has experience dealing with the courts, Department of Motor Vehicles and any other administrative agency like the Office of Child Support Services to help keep you on the road.

Author Bio

Adam Rosenblum is a traffic and criminal lawyer who is admitted to practice in both New York and New Jersey. Adam is no stranger to suspended license cases and more complex issues such as aggravated unlicensed operation.

Related Posts

Child Support Guideline Cap Raised

Mediation of your Houston Divorce Case

What is the Best Interest of the Child Custody Standard?

According to reports the settlement was brought on by Humphries’ failure to appear in court for a mandatory settlement conference.  This led to the judge “encouraging” him to settle which then happened on the courthouse steps.  The lesson here is to not irritate the judge who will be deciding your case.  Hopefully this will be the final Kardashian news that I report on in this blog.

Related Posts

Three Common Mistakes Made by Men in Divorce

Informal Settlement Agreements

Houston Divorce Lawyer

The statutory schedule is very long and detailed.  You can view the actual statute here.  In this article I will highlight some of the more key provisions of the SPO schedule.  Obviously, every case is different and I will be writing in very broad terms about a statute that is very often tweaked in the actual orders.  So the very first step in analyzing any individual situation is to actually read the specific language of your own order.  Then have a qualified family law attorney read the specific language of your order and analyze your situation.

One other issue before I delve into the specifics of the SPO.  The SPO has two big sections, one of which applies to visitation when the parents live within 100 miles of each other and another section that addresses an altered schedule that applies only if/when the parents live more than 100 miles from each other.  In this article I will address only the under 100 mile provisions because this is a much more common scenario.

Weekend Visitation

The weekend periods of possession of the non-primary parent begin on the first, third, and fifth Fridays of each month.  People are often confused by this language and assume it means “every other” weekend.  Actually it means first, third, and fifth Fridays. Some months have a fifth Friday and most do not.  When there is a fifth Friday the result is that the non-primary parent will have two consecutive weekends because every fifth Friday is followed by a first Friday the following month.

There are two possibilities for the start time of the weekend visitation under the statute.  It can either be 6:00 p.m. or whatever time the child’s school is dismissed.  The statute also allows for two possibilities for the end time of the weekend period of possession.  It can either be 6:00 p.m. on Sunday or Monday morning at the time the child’s school resumes.  If the non-primary parent has a beginning time of school dismissal or an ending time of school resumption, then that parent is be responsible for picking up or delivering the child to/from school.

Thursday Visitation

Under the SPO the non-primary parent has possession every Thursday during the school year.  The standard schedule is basically Thursday dinner, from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. However, the non-primary parent can make an election to extend Thursday making it from school dismissal on Thursday until school resumption the following morning.  If elected, this results in the non-primary parent’s weekends being longer (begins Thursday after school and ends either Sunday night or Monday morning).  One important note:  people often forget that this provision is during the school year only.  It does not apply during the summer break.

Holiday Visitation

It is important to review your order carefully so that you are familiar with the specific terms.  It is doubly important that you familiarize yourself with the specific details of your holiday possession period language.  Probably the majority of all visitation issues that I see post-divorce involve a misunderstanding or misinterpretation (or just a poorly worded Decree) of the holiday periods language.

One important point that is sometimes not understood:  holiday provisions trump weekend and Thursday schedules.  If there is a specific order for holiday visitation it takes precedence over what might seem to be a conflicting weekend or Thursday possession period.

Summer – Under the SPO the non-primary parent has 30 days summer visitation.   The SPO provides that it can be taken as one 30 day period or it can be broken up into a maximum of two periods of at least ten days each.  In order to pick the schedule the non-primary parent must notify the other parent in writing of the schedule by April 1^st of that year.  The default period for the summer (if the non-primary parent does not give notice) is July 1^st through July 31^st.  The SPO includes a number of details and limitations that are far too numerous and detailed to address in this post so make sure you review your order and consult with your attorney about any specific questions you may have.

Christmas – The SPO provides that each parent gets the child for either the first or second half of the child’s Christmas break.  Whether you get the first or second half is alternated yearly.  The break is defined as starting at 6:00 on the day of school dismissal (or time of dismissal, depending on the language of your order) and ending at either 6:00 p.m. on the day before school resumes or at school resumption, again depending on the language of your order.  Under the current version of the SPO the break between the first and second half is at noon on December 28^th.  Under an older version of the statute the break was on December 26^th.  During even-numbered years the non-primary parent gets the first half of the Christmas vacation and the second half during odd-numbered years.

Thanksgiving – The non-primary parent gets possession of the child in odd-numbered years for the entirety of the Thanksgiving break. In even-numbered years this period goes to the other parent.

Spring Break – The non-primary parent gets possession of the child in even-numbered years for the entire Spring Break holiday. In odd-numbered years this period goes to the other parent.

Mother’s & Father’s Day weekends – During the Mother’s Day weekend moms get possession of the child for the entire weekend and during the Father’s day weekend dads get the entire weekend.

Child’s Birthday – On the child’s birthday the parent that does not have regularly scheduled possession gets possession from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

Hopefully this brief overview gives you a little better understanding of what is meant in Texas by “standard” visitation.  Make sure that you get advice from a good divorce lawyer if you have any important issues or concerns about your specific possession order.

Related Posts:

How Can a Divorcing Parent Help Their Children?

Can a Child Age Twelve Decide Which Parent to Live With?

The Best Divorce Blog Posts of 2012

For more than a decade now I’ve helped thousands of marriages come back from the brink of divorce. In this blog post, I want to offer some insight into how.

I want to start with an email I received from a man who was in the Lone Ranger Track of my Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. Here’s the email…

Dear Mort,

Trish and I were high school sweethearts and have lived what appeared to her to be a “Cunningham” life for 25 years. I have a successful career, our kids are normal, and Trish made wonderful holiday celebrations for us throughout the years.

But things were not as ideal as they seemed. After the kids were born, Trish turned all her love and attention to them while neglecting me. This left me vulnerable and I had 5 affairs (some real relationships) over the past 15 years.

Long story short, Trish found out one month ago about my recent one, and I confessed to the others. She’s devastated and accuses me of ruining her life and being a fake.

I have severed all my other relationships, apologized 100 times, and dramatically changed my ways. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I’ve truly changed and I’m ready to be completely faithful forever. The problem is: Trish wants a divorce.

Trish says she cannot get over my affairs and the lying. She says she needs to start with a clean slate with someone who has not cheated on her or lied to her.

There’s so much more, but my question (really my wife’s question) is this: Why should she try to renew our marriage and deal with all this pain rather than starting again with someone new who hasn’t been unfaithful?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Frank Z.

Basically, Trish is asking why she should even try to restore her marriage rather than start fresh with someone new.

I can understand her point of view. Right now in her marriage there’s so much pain, baggage, and a mountain of hurt to heal.

Is it possible to come back from such an ordeal?

Doesn’t it make sense to just start over with someone else?

The trauma of discovering that your husband of 25 years and high school sweetheart has been living a lie (even a double life) is no small matter. We’re dealing here with more than just infidelity. We’re dealing with a woman who woke up 25 years later to the cold fact that her life as she knew it was not really as she knew it. This can cause not only the usual pain of being violated by an unfaithful husband, but an identity crisis too.

I think it’s hard to identify with the suffering that Trish is going through. Although I’m going to offer some “reasons” why she should to make her marriage work, I don’t want to appear to be insensitive to Trish’s situation. If Trish can’t handle her station in life and can only cope by starting with someone new, I would not fault her. My job is easy compared to Trish’s challenge. My job is to understand the circumstances and ARTICULATE a path to renewal. Trish’s challenge is to walk that path. I’d prefer my job any day of the week.

Having said that, I think there are good reasons for Trish to consider investing in her current relationship rather than simply starting a new one.

The first thing that grabbed my attention in Frank’s email was that Trish learned about Frank’s infidelity only one month ago.

The chances are good that Trish is still in shock. She may not know it. She may think she’s thinking clearly. But there’s simply no way that a woman who wakes up to the reality of this situation only one month ago could be in a healthy state of mind to make a decision to break up her family.

Let me put it this way: If Trish were my daughter, I would advise her NOT to make any decision now. That’s the best decision sometimes…the decision NOT to decide.

Trish should take some time to process what’s happened, let it sink in, think, talk with her husband, discuss the situation with professionals, and allow the shock of the circumstances to pass.

She should allow herself to reach a state a mind that’s reliable for sound decision making. In situations like these that takes time. And there are no short cuts. It just takes time.

There’s no rush to make a decision to divorce. Trish can always decide to divorce. She never loses that right. She always has that option. But once she pulls that trigger, there’s no going back. Once it’s over, it’s over.

I can hear Trish saying, “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. What’s the purpose of waiting? My feelings will never change.”

I have no doubt that Trish FEELS 100% sure. I believe she has clarity in her heart. But this is not a time for confidence. It’s a time for humility.

Trish is at a time in her life when she should consider professional opinions and other people’s experiences. It’s normal for a person’s mind to snap into clarity in the midst of chaos. It’s a defense mechanism. Sometimes it’s the only way for a person to cope. But months later it’s not unusual for that clarity to turn to confusion. Then what? What if Trish already filed for divorce, threw her husband out, and announced her plans to family and friends? Now Trish and Frank will have another problem and that is: Even if Trish wanted to try to reconcile, how could she save face?

I’m not saying that divorcing is the wrong decision for Trish. And I’m not saying that it’s a slam dunk for her to restore her marriage. Maybe divorcing is the right decision. Maybe her marriage is irreparable. I don’t know. But that’s my point. At this stage of the relationship, no one could possibly know…including Trish. Everything is just too raw. To make a decision to break-up her family at this point is impulsive and borders on irresponsible (there are children involved).

Furthermore, Trish believes that she’ll be safer in a relationship with someone who has not cheated on her and lied to her. I understand her FEELING. However, I suggest that the OPPOSITE is true.

Based on his email, it appears that Frank has really changed. I believe he’s a new man. And I’ve often seen people transform themselves after getting the “I want a divorce” wake up call. Unless Frank is a pathological liar or a sex addict, he’s LESS LIKELY to make the same mistake again compared to someone whose track record is clean.

According to a 1998 survey by researchers at the University of Chicago, about 25 percent of married men and 17 percent of married women in the United States ADMIT to having been unfaithful. The noted author Shirley Glass’ research suggests it is probably closer to 25 percent of women and 40 to 50 percent of men! That means, according to author and researcher Shirley Glass, that starting from scratch gives Trish a 50% chance of finding another husband who will remain faithful.

Now I ask you, at this point in his life, given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that Frank will screw up again? If Trish gave him another chance, what’s the likelihood that Frank will make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family years before? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.

If Trish were to leave Frank, I think Las Vegas would give her LOWER odds that this sort of thing would never happen to her again.

Here lies an unfortunate irony. People wait years and years for their spouse to wake up and make some changes. Then when they finally do it, they’re told it’s too late.

I understand why someone would feel, after being cheated on, for example, that “it’s too late.” But the fact of the matter is that they’re about to walk away from a person who is FINALLY prepared to be a wonderful loving spouse. In my experience, it’s these people, people who have made grave mistakes, who have had the harshest wake up calls, who become the BEST spouses and are capable, more than anyone else, of forging the MOST fulfilling relationships.

Do you see the irony here?

It’s the mistakes that ruin relationships that transform the sinners into people capable of the most outstanding relationships. The unfortunate thing for the victim is that they don’t know how to heal from the hurt that would enable them to reap the benefit of their ordeal.

So the roles become reversed. The person who was ruining the relationship stands ready to transform it; while the person who wanted to work on the relationship all along becomes the cog in the wheel that inhibits true love.

In other words, Trish has a choice. If she lets Frank go, he’ll most likely fall in love with another woman and treat her like a queen. He’ll be the husband to his new wife that Trish always wanted him to be to her. I’ve seen it happen too often. Some lucky woman owes a poor victim a debt of gratitude. But Trish has another option. She could forgive Frank and become that lucky woman!

My blessing to you is that you never find yourself in Trish and Frank’s shoes, but that you be inspired by Frank’s transformation and transform yourself long before you get any wake up call that might threaten your family.

Mort Fertel

Host of the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp

Get Mort’s free report “The 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage.” Click here.

About Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.

When it comes to determining the custody of a child in a custody proceeding, the courts will typically use the best interests of the child doctrine. This is often used when a married couple chooses to divorce there are one or more children involved or if a child has been born outside of marriage. Using this concept, the court will determine who the child lives with, how much contact the child will have with each parent and whether child support is granted to one of the parents.

The concept of best interest is a relatively new one. Even until the 1900s, the father was automatically given custody of any child in the case of a divorce. Mothers were granted custody later on, and eventually the courts began to favor them due to a new doctrine called Tender Years.

The best interest doctrine is used for visitation as well. When grandparents seek court-ordered visitation, the judge considers whether or not it is best for the child to grant visitation. Sometimes the judge rules that it is in the child’s best interest for the parent to allow the grandparent no access, whereas others will rule that a grandparent’s presence will help the child.

Joint, legal and physical custody are affected by the best interest doctrine. If the child is old enough and understands the concept of custody, the judge is likely to ask the child what he or she wants. While the other parent will maintain part of the legal custody, the other will have more physical custody. The court will also examine the physical and emotional needs of the child, in addition to school issues. The judge is unlikely to rule that one parent has a large amount of physical custody if it will interfere with the child’s time at school. If one parent demands that the child spend more time with him or her, the judge may determine that the change is too drastic and not in the best interest in the child.

Ultimately, the court will examine all the relevant factors associated with each parent as well as how the child will be affected. The end goal is to have the child emotionally and physically safe.

Article provided by: The Cantor Law Group is made up of respected Divorce Lawyers in Phoenix, AZ. More information about the Cantor Law Group and divorce in Arizona, please visit their site.

Some of the suggestions involve focusing on your children, recognize the signs of your children’s stress, and give them a certain amount of control over their own lives.  Take a look at the article and feel free to post your comments on the subject below, along with any thoughts or suggestions you may have on how to best help your children cope with the stress of divorce.

Related Posts:

Can a Child Age Twelve Decide Which Parent to Live With?

Parental Alienation Syndrome – Alec Baldwin’s New Book

Blended Families

Impact of Husband’s Relationship with In-Laws

As one might expect, a close relationship between husband and his in-laws (the wife’s parents) was beneficial. The divorce rate for couples in this scenario was 20% lower as compared to couples where the husband did not have an especially close relationship with the in-laws. Not especially surprising and one would likely assume this to be the case.  It makes sense that couples with close extended families would be happy, better-functioning, and have less likelihood of divorce.  I’m picturing a Norman Rockwell painting with a large extended family all having a happy meal together.

Impact of Wife’s Relationship with In-Laws

Now let’s consider the other side of the coin.  If the wife had a close relationship with her in-laws (husband’s parents) this would logically yield the same result – less likelihood of divorce, right?

Not so fast, according to this study.  Couples where the wife had a close relationship with the in-laws actually had a 20% higher incidence of divorce!

Why Such Different Results?

According to the researchers, the reason for the disparity between the genders is clear.   Most husbands do not consider their role as husband and parent as their primary role.  They identify themselves more as a provider and deep-down see their roles as husband and parent as secondary to that.  Thus, when the in-law offers some suggestion (read: criticism) of how to handle the children or take care of their house, they do not take it as personally as they would if they viewed their primary role as caretaker.

Women on the other hand, according to the study’s authors, nearly always see their primary role as wife and mother, even if they have a very successful career.  So when the grandparents offer their input (read: criticism) of some child-rearing issue, the wife is often very offended and feels as though the in-laws are overstepping their bounds.

Interesting findings, to be sure.  I have had many, many cases where my client listed “meddling, trouble-making in-laws” as one of the primary issues in the marriage that led to divorce.  Anecdotally, these clients have almost all been female.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below, whether you agree or disagree with the study’s findings and any personal experiences you have had with in-laws and your marriage.

Related Posts

Could a Housekeeper Save Your Marriage?

What Happens to the Case When a Divorcing Couple Reconciles

Facebook and Divorce, Part 2

But still, 50% is pretty shocking.

Is Housework the Real Culprit?

The author of the study concluded that the actual housework was not really the underlying cause of the higher divorce rate.  Instead, it was more a byproduct of a more typical modern couple as compared to a couple who were married 20 or 30 years ago.  Traditionally, a married couple in Norway was more likely to have a male bread-winner spouse and a female spouse who raised the kids and took care of the house.  Now, a modern married couple is much more likely to have two income-earners with a fairly equal division of childcare and household responsibilities.  Sounds a bit like how things have evolved in the U.S., doesn’t it?

Or is it Just the Modern State of Marriage?

The more traditional couples were more likely to have a more “permanent” view of marriage regardless of the circumstances, while the modern couples were more likely to exit the marriage if the circumstances led them to that decision.  Additionally, you can’t underestimate the difference it makes when the wife has a career and income of her own.  In that situation she has options that her traditional counterpart did not.

I’m Not Willing to Take Any Chances

While the study findings really just support an obvious transition in the permanence of marriages that has occurred over the years, I can’t help but go back to the specific finding in the report:  a 50% higher divorce rate if the household chores are shared equally.

So I think the next time my wife asks me to help clean up the kitchen after dinner I will have to say, “sorry honey, I love you too much to put our marriage at risk.  I’m going to go watch the game.”  I’ll let you know how that goes.

Related Posts

The Best Divorce Blog Posts of 2012

Facebook and Divorce

The Ultimate 50-50 Property Division